This picture says it all I think about how we are. It's now more than 4 months that she moved and after the initial strangeness, we have fully adjusted to each other again. It is a pleasure each day to be together. It is comfortable. We are confident in our couple and our life and our future.
In about 10 hours, my fairy will be landing in Geneva to make a life here. How crazy is this? How nice is this? It's such a strange mix of emotions, excitement, worry, happiness, anxiousness, hope, fear, confidence, doubt... In reaction to her stress, I have been feeling a roller-coaster of emotions the past few days. I've known moment of pure joy filled with impatience, feeling like am floating 50cm above the ground. But also moments of extreme worry about her reactions. Will we pick up just as before? Will we be different? Different is not necessarily a bad thing if the love and attraction are still there. Oh well, there is no point speculating, I can only wait and see. I'll be trying to catch some sleep and I'll keep faith that all that we've felt and lived before was so real, that things can only be good tomorrow and the day after, and the week after and the month to follow and so on...
There is no formulo or method. You only learn to love by loving.
How do you deal with unfairness? Is it worth arguing your case and receiving more annoyance and more unfair comments and reactions? Or is being the bigger person letting go and accept so you can move on? How do you understand that people react in such opposite ways to the same situation? Why do some people take their stress at their loved ones? Is it because it's easier, because they love you and they'll accept and forgive? Yes indeed they'll forgive, but they would have been hurt in the process and it will leave a little scar, a small dent in their unconditional love.
The count down to life in duo is accelerating now. In 3 weeks today, she'll be on a plane to join me. In 3 weeks, I'll be spending my last night alone with my cats. It is a surreal feeling. I have been looking forward to being together so long and so hard, it seems almost unreal that it's now "tomorrow". 3 weeks is nothing, specially now that my work has become a lot more busy, the weeks pass by without me realising it. Am I worried about it? Do I have doubts or fears? Although I think that the initial adaption will be a stressful time, I have no fears, no worries nor doubts. I have confidence that our connection is so strong that it will carry us through the change and the hard times.
I am not too sure what to write, there is not so much on my mind. I am just waiting for her arrival and seeing it as a bonus in my life, which has already taken a much better turn in 2007. So having a special someone to share your life is just the extra toppings on your ice cream :-) So I will write more once there is something new. Now there is only me and my impatience, my excitement...
How do you show a dear friend that you care and that you are there for him/her through a tough time? When you are near her, you can always just give a pat on the shoulder, a pression of the hand or a hug. It is usually enough to convey the message. Now when you are miles apart, what is the best way? With the distance, it is shown through words. So when are words too much? When do the words suffocate the person rather than support her? Can you just assume that the person knows that she can turn to you? Should you feel excluded if she doesn't?
Is it being insecure to probe the situation or is it just to establish that the rough time doesn't have its source in your relationship and hence to free your own mind to be fully available to support the person?
I guess you also need to realise that there are some things that a person needs to go through alone, you cannot always help someone or spare her the hard times. Now when you, by nature, are like a Saint-Bernard, always wanting to rescue people, and on top of this, care passionately for the person, then it is really hard. But we are constantly learning and growing, aren't we?
Contentment: happiness with one's situation in life Content: satisfied with what one is or has, not wanting more or anything else, quietly happy
Are we ever trully contented? Can we really be quietly happy? I started to wonder this today as I was anxiously waiting to chat with my fairy. I was feeling like we hadn't talked in a while (although we do talk each day for various length of time - from 1 minute or 2 to a whole hour or more). I was feeling like I needed more of her time. And she commented that it was a rather needy behaviour, which I agree but somehow couldn't quite help myself. So it raised the question in my head: are we ever really content? I would have answered that we can be trully happy yes. But as the definition of contentment shows, if we are never content, then we are never really happy.
But I tend to disagree with that. Because at this point in my life, if I am asked whether I am happy, I honestly reply that I am. Yet I do feel I miss her a lot so, although happy, I want more, so I am not content. Is it a contradiction inherent to human beings? Is it human to always wish for more, better, longer, nicer? I think it is human nature to want more of the things you love and enjoy. I think it is also linked to our awareness of time. Humans are concious of time, of now, of the future and the past, unlike animals (I believe at least, still researching that one). So it's in our nature to think of what's next and that's when you think of what can be better or more, as it is also in our nature to evolve and that is a positive change. Therefore to be contented, human need to make a conscious effort to live in the NOW cause when we do then happiness and contentment trully co-exist.
May be one can tell we are content and happy, when one can say we'd die happy if we'd died right now on the spot. But then again time catches up with us and i realise that to say I'd die happy right now only happens at specific times. Cause to trully say we're happy and contented there can't be a "I'd die happy but I wish..." because it expresses regrets. So to conclude this reasonning, there is such a thing as contentment but it is a punctual feeling, it cannot be a lasting feeling, due to the passing of time and the constant changes that occur in one's life, each day, each minute, which makes us adjust our vision of life.
But one is trully happy when we collect moments after moments of feeling contented, as all these moments will give the impression of a constant state of satisfaction.
I am back home now and alone in my flat. It feels rather empty after her visit. It was such a pleasure to integrate her to my daily life. It was comfortable, but then again we are comfortable anywhere together. She's left personal stuff behind and it makes it tangible that she'll be back. There is such excitement and trepidation to the prospect of her moving here. Yet at the same time, there is some anxiety, from one day to the next, we will have taken a leap into a couple life. The geography of our situation makes it even more a giant step, it's a lot more than just moving in, it is a major change, more so for her than for me. I am blown away that her love is so strong that she'll make this radical adjustment to her life to give us a chance to chase all those dreams we've nourished.
I can't wait for her arrival but yet I need to make the most of the time till then to prepare for it. I need to make sure I can support her in that move like I promised I would. This is as much for her as for me.
I've always been the relentless optimist, but what I've been living for a year now with her, all I've been learning have even more strengthened my faith in life's beauty and simplicity. Happiness is ever present, it's just our mindset that makes us miss it. We need to tune in positively to see it. But it's so worth it.
2007 has started much better than 2006. I started my 2006 with anguish thanks to the stupid actions of my ex. 2006 was rough and had many changes. I started 2007 with a kiss from the one I love and 2 weeks in her company.
2007 will also have its share of changes but they won't be as tough or painful as last year's. It will be a year of positive changes and long awaited improvements to my life. I am looking forward to it and I can't wait for some of these improvements to take place already, yet I am happy to savour each day at a time. I am happy with my life the way it is now and the direction it takes.
I have spent the festive season in Singapore. And yes I miss this place and the lifestyle we enjoy here. It was strange to be here now as a tourist when it's a place I lived and worked in for 6 years. You feel a bit of an outsider. But I had such pleasure catching up with old friends. It was also delightful to pick up my daily life with my fairy. We're so comfortable with each other that it feels like I have never left, we just pick up where we left off the last time I flew off. Off course there are some changes and adjustments to be made, we afterall constantly evolve as persons but the deep intense loving feeling is still there. And it shows, both my friends and her friends see how happy we are and comment on it. It's nice.
In some ways, I think I'll be a happier person in my 30's than I was in my late 20's. Looking forward to that.