Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Return to Europe

Time passes us by quickly if we don't pay attention. 4 months since I last wrote, nearly 6 years since I left Geneva, more than 8 months of happiness, 10 weeks till my next holiday, 30 years in a few months, 13 weeks since I've returned to my hometown, 26 years of friendship, almost 3 weeks since our last kiss... life is full of different ways to measure the passing of time.

The point is that time never stops, that each opportunity let pass is lost and will not come back. Is it this realisation that has allowed me to finally feel genuinely and deeply happy? Life hasn't been easier recently than in the past one or two years but yet it doesn't bring me down anymore. I can look at obstacles and down times with a peacefull smile on my face, because I know that happiness takes its source from inside, not from external factors. It grows however with the energy of positive experiences and sentiments.

My biggest source of energy is my relationship with my sweet fairy. With the months passing, we have reached a level of connection I had no idea existed. It is not only connection through common interests, or physical chemistry, it's through a likeness of the mind, an innate understanding of each other, an unconditional acceptance of the other in its integrity. She has shown me how love is actually selfless, love is actually seeing that there is not only one way to express it, love challenges all your beliefs, because conceptions are meant to evolve, the only constant is the subject of your love and the love itself. It is the force that shapes the relationship, its rules, what is allowed and what's not. And this is unique to each relationship.

Anyway, it is pointless to try to describe how genuine happiness and authentic love feels like. It is a very personal experience and it surely expresses itself differently for each individual. Even within a couple. The way I experience it is not the way she does. But what we share is the knowldege that we are connected and in tune. This is strong enough to withstand the trials that will be in our way, whether they are out of our control (like our geography) or in our control (intruders that we allow in). When you reach genuine happiness within yourself and have an energy source as powerfull as true love, then there is a certainty that life will work out for the best. There is an acceptance that that best might not involve the loved one for ever, but there is also an immense faith that it will. But it allows you to view the presence of the loved one in your life as a bonus, the ice cream on your brownie and not the brownie itself. You will be happy by yourself, just happier with that someone to share your life with.

Sweet fairy, once again I talk about you, but if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have reached that peacefull state of mind. Thank you. This picture you have taken illustrates how happiness comes from within and radiates out.